


Safe in His Arms

by thesometimeswarrior



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6733105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesometimeswarrior/pseuds/thesometimeswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When Harry tells the group of them, after the Battle’s done, after <i>he</i> is dead at last, when he tells them that he had been unwittingly harboring <i>his</i> soul for the past seventeen years, she finds she cannot breath and runs from the Common Room."</p><p>Ginny feels <i>dirty.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe in His Arms

When Harry tells the group of them, after the Battle’s done, after _he_ is dead at last, when he tells them that he had been unwittingly harboring _his_ soul for the past seventeen years, she finds she cannot breath and runs from the Common Room. 

He runs after her, but she won’t talk to him. They all try to coax out of her what’s wrong—her brother, Hermione, Neville, and Luna—but she cannot bring herself to admit it to any of them, the shame of it. 

“Well,” she hears Hermione tell Ron. “It’s been a rough year for her, with everything here and then Fred…” She’s wrong. And this explanation, this reminder of what _he’s_ done who _he’s_ taken, makes her feel worse.

When Harry asks her out again, a few months later, she refuses, avoids him for a week. 

“I get it,” he says earnestly, after she finally can be in the same room as him again without feeling as though she’s going to explode. “You don’t need to explain. It’s been a rough year. You’re going through a lot, and maybe you need someone who doesn’t remind you of the thing that took your brother away…”

“ _No._ ” Because isn’t that just typical. Of course Harry _bloody_ Potter would blame himself for _her_ filthiness. 

“Oh,” he says, when she doesn’t elaborate. “Okay, sorry, forget I—”

“No,” she says again. “I mean you don’t get to blame yourself for this.”

“Ginny,” he sighs, and she knows from how he says it—how he’s _wired_ , maybe—that he will think it is his fault until she explains. 

“Listen,” she says forcefully, as if in an effort to make herself tell him. “My first crush was on you, before I even knew you really. My second crush—and the first person I think I really fell in love with—was Tom Riddle. From the Diary.”

“Gin—“

“No, let me finish!” She is afraid that if she stops now she will never be able to continue. “I trusted the boy I met in that Diary. I told him… _everything_. He saw me, and not just my brothers. He loved me, thought I was special, said I was wonderful. And when he would m-make me…well, you know…I would hallucinate that we were embracing, that we…before I even really knew what it meant…and in his arms, I felt so _safe_. Even when he wasn’t p-possessing me, I would dream that he embraced me…And even _after_...even after I found out it was _his_ soul and that it had been possessing me and m-making me…even _after_ , when I was stressed or scared and felt unsafe, I would imagine myself in Tom Riddle’s arms. And I would still feel _safe_ again!”

She pauses for a second to catch her breath, to blink away the tears. She sees Harry inhale to speak, but she holds up her hand. She still has to explain the worst, the part that makes _her_ unclean, unworthy, _dirty_ , and if she doesn’t tell Harry now, she has a sense she will never be able to tell anyone. She looks away from him as she continues.

“And even this past year, when it was all _his_ fault, when I…I was worried about you, or Ron, or…or when the Carrows would Crucio us…when it all became too much, I would still think of, imagine I was in Tom Riddle’s arms… _him,_ the man who has been doing _all of this_ , the reason Dumbledore and Remus and Tonks and Mad-Eye and Sirius and…and Fr-Fred are dead…I would still think of _him_! And if you…if _his_ soul has been in you this whole time, too…what if, the whole time you and I were together, and even before that, when I thought I was attracted to you…what if it was the bit of _him_ in you? Wh-what if I’m just in love with T-Tom Riddle, who has…What kind of disgusting person does that make _me_?”

When she finally finishes speaking, she looks back to Harry, afraid of what she will see. But there isn’t the disgust she so fears; instead Harry’s eyes are full of concern, _warmth._

His arms twitch at his sides, as if he means to wrap them around her, but he stops himself. “Can I?”

She hesitates, but after a moment, nods. When he embraces her, for an instant, she relaxes, feeling safe just as she did when…She grows tense, ridged. 

“He’s gone, Gin,” Harry whispers. “He’s gone. It’s just me. All me.”

Gradually, as Harry speaks, she feels her muscles relax. His soul is his own, it’s Harry, Harry. Just Harry. All Harry. And she feels safe with _Harry_.

“He’s gone,” Harry continues to whisper. “And he’s never going to hurt either of us again.”

It will still be a year before she is ready to date again, and longer before she truly feels safe in his arms. And even then—even years later when they crawl into bed after their daughter Lily has finally fallen asleep—sometimes he will hug her and she will tense, and draw back, and he will let her. He will not rush her, not force her to do anything. But she will breathe, and remind herself _he’s gone_ and _it’s Harry_ , and crawl back into Harry’s embrace.

But for now, she nods, looking up at Harry’s eyes that are finally _finally_ completely his own, and says “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I remember seeing something on tumblr a while ago (here, I think: http://suzie-guru.tumblr.com/post/95603641248/imagine-harry-and-ginny-a-few-months-into-their) about Ginny and Harry collectively dealing with PTSD, and that just got me thinking about how the events of CoS would have affected Ginny for years to come. It isn't mentioned enough, and I think it was probably a huge part of her life.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.


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